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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533558">Desire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalDragon/pseuds/MagicalDragon'>MagicalDragon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lucifer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, God is a bastard, Hate Crimes, Homophobia, criticism of religion, religious homophobia, well christianity mostly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:54:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533558</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalDragon/pseuds/MagicalDragon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Back when they first knew each other, during the paparazzi case, Lucifer had asked if Chloe had rebelled against her family and had immediately landed on kissing a girl as his first guess. At the time, she had assumed it but a joke, the result of the overactive imagination of a straight man who watched too much lesbian porn, she had assumed he wanted it to be true, for his own gratification. But… perhaps that hadn’t been all it was. After all, perhaps that had been what had happened to Lucifer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Desire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Chloe looked over at Lucifer, but his eyes stayed on the deceased. Raj, was that what he had called him? A soft look had come over him, he was clearly affected. Anyone would be, of course, seeing the corpse of someone they knew, no matter how limited their relationship might have been. Still, this was Lucifer… he rarely acted as one would expect an ordinary person to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While going through the motions of investigation, it occured to Chloe that she never should have assumed Lucifer was straight in the first place. Yes, his behavior around women was not unlike how one would expect a horny teenager suddenly given the charms of a handsome adult to behave but he was, she supposed, similar around attractive men, if more subdued, which did not strike her as unusual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Lucifer, well… Back when they first knew each other, during the paparazzi case, Lucifer had asked if Chloe had rebelled against her family and had immediately landed on kissing a girl as his first guess. At the time, she had assumed it but a joke, the result of the overactive imagination of a straight man who watched too much lesbian porn, she had assumed he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>it to be true, for his own gratification. But… perhaps that hadn’t been all it was. After all, perhaps that had been what had happened to Lucifer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His delusion or metaphor or whatever it was, it all made it difficult to piece together what had really happened with his family, but it was clear he didn’t exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>his father. Those scars on his back… she still hadn’t gotten a clear explanation of them. And “cast out of Heaven” could be a religiously raised kid’s way of saying “thrown out for kissing a boy”, couldn’t it? Although she doubted it was that simple. Things rarely were, with Lucifer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t good,” she said as they left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, that a man was one of my lovers? Come now, detective, it's the 21st century.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. There clearly was something, or why would he have assumed her to be homophobic? A comment like that did not come from nowhere. She supposed it made sense, with the intense amount of Christianity Lucifer must have been raised with. Chloe had grown up with gay couples as a perfectly ordinary part of life, her mother had had many gay friends from the movie industry, but Lucifer… Lucifer had most likely grown up with nothing but condemnation for homosexuality. Chloe didn’t know of many people, especially not back when Lucifer would have been a child </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> not that she could place </span>
  <em>
    <span>when </span>
  </em>
  <span>that would have been, exactly, she didn’t know how old he was </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> who was as religious as Lucifer’s family yet open-minded about sexuality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe had seen glimpses of what that sort of thing did to adults, before. One of her mother’s friends, he’d cried on her mother’s shoulder, after he got married </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> well, entered into domestic partnership with his boyfriend, technically speaking </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> and her mom had explained, afterwards, that his family had practically disowned him for it. Had Lucifer, who reveled in sexuality to such an extent that he simply must be compensating for </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, ever been so vulnerable about it? It was hard to imagine, but it was equally hard to imagine that it wouldn’t have played a role in whatever abusive family structure he had been part of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let the thought go, for a while. There were other matters to attend to and it wasn’t like it was any of her business, anyway. Lucifer didn’t like admitting vulnerability, least of all about who he was, so she doubted it was a part of his life he’d confide in her about. Why would he, really? He seemed more than at peace with his sexuality now, after all. And it really wasn’t any of her business. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tried to asked Charlotte Richards, once she found out she was Lucifer’s step-mom. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tried </span>
  </em>
  <span>being the operative word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So did Lucifer and his dad butt heads over anything more… personal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte scoffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Lucifer always wanted his own way, he never liked doing as he was told, and his father certainly took that personally… ” Charlotte stopped and frowned at her drink. “Not just his father, I suppose I also took it personally, back then... I suppose that’s why I didn’t stop his father when he cast him out…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe’s eyes went wide. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucifer was thrown out of home? How old was he?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte lifted her gaze to Chloe’s in a sudden motion and her eyes were razor sharp once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too young,” was all she said and Chloe didn’t try to get more out of her after that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, here was what Chloe knew by now: </span>
</p>
<ol>
<li><span>Lucifer had been raised by a strict, controlling, very religious father, whom he hated. </span></li>
<li><span>Lucifer had big, ugly scars on his back that had something to do with his father, even if, per Lucifer’s words, it wasn’t his father who’d made them.</span></li>
<li><span>Lucifer had anticipated homophobia from Chloe, who had never given him any reason to think she was a homophobe, upon her discovery that he was bisexual. </span></li>
<li><span>Lucifer had been thrown out of home at a young age for never doing as he was told. </span></li>
</ol><p>
  <span>It didn’t paint the picture of a particularly pleasant childhood, but she supposed it’d always been obvious that Lucifer hadn’t had one of those, however much one assumed he was prone to exaggeration. With these facts together, well, she was beginning to understand her partner a little bit better. Maybe he acted like an overgrown 13 year old exactly because he hadn’t had parental guidance throughout his teens? It wasn’t unusual for trauma to leave one a bit stuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A while went by where she didn’t give it much thought. A comment here, an insinuation there… there still wasn’t much for her to work with. She had more important things to think about, besides. Lucifer kept pretending he wanted to confide in her, then backing out of it at the last second. Was it part of the delusion, or did he genuinely not trust her? It was hard to say. All she knew was that it was silly of her to think he’d give her an explanation in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day though, a tragic case brought the matter back to her attention.  A young girl had been killed. She was beaten to death in her home, last night when her room mate was out. Looked like a crime of passion, for sure. The room mate, a woman in her mid 20s who hadn’t known the deceased prior to the latter moving in, had called it in. She didn’t know much, but it didn’t take long before another girl, about as young as the deceased, approached them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I know who did this…” Wide eyes, scared. Tear-stains on her cheeks, and more threatening to fall. Clearly someone who cared about the victim. “I’m Olivia, Emily’s, uhm… Emily’s girlfriend? And I think… I think my mom might have done this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you better come down to the precinct.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think your mother would hurt Emily?” Chloe asked, once she had Olivia in an interrogation room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it obvious, detective</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>” Lucifer began to her left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lucifer</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she hissed, before turning to Olivia. “Go on, please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I… My mom, she… disapproved. You know, of me and Emily. Well, homosexuality, broadly speaking… but me and Emily, especially.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you think she would have hurt Emily? To keep you apart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I don’t….” Olivia had started crying in earnest now, shaking slightly. “She just kept saying how wrong it was, how angry God was at me</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s ridiculous, it’s a minor sin,” Lucifer interrupted. “I don’t see why He would</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lucifer!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Chloe hissed again, louder this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a sin,” the girl insisted. “I mean, I</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> I</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> My family, they think it is, but I don’t think we’ve done anything wrong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Chloe could reassure the girl that </span>
  <em>
    <span>of course</span>
  </em>
  <span> they hadn’t, Lucifer spoke again:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you misunderstand me </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> I live for sin, for defying my father and his rules. Good on you, for defying your family! Truly, I commend you for following your true lesbian desires. Who cares what my father thinks? Life’s no fun if you always follow the rules, now is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Lucifer finished speaking, he actually winked at the poor girl, as if they’d just shared some moment of understanding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh….” The girl was clearly confused. “Thanks. I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re very welcome, darling,” Lucifer said and handed Olivia a handkerchief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe got the interrogation back under control after that. She got an alibi from the poor girl </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> she’d been at a late-night study session with several classmates and had slept over </span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span> and some details on her family. Her mother, though overbearing and clearly abusive, did not seem to fit the profile of the killer they were looking for. More manipulation and passive aggressiveness from her than outright violence, from what she’d gotten out of Olivia. Still, it was worth looking into, and Chloe made a note of the address.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, can I ask Mr. Morningstar one thing before I go?” Olivia asked, once Chloe told her they were done with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe nodded and Olivia turned to look at Lucifer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really not care?” She asked, her voice fragile. “That God might be mad at you, I mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer scoffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not. I’m furious with the old bastard myself, so He can be as angry back as He bloody well likes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl nodded, but her eyes were clearly growing wet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Although it might reassure you to know that having sex with men is most likely at the very </span>
  <em>
    <span>bottom </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the list of things He’s angry with me for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl cried a bit, but nodded again. She thanked Lucifer breathily, before allowing Chloe to lead her out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t the mother. Chloe had been right, about her profile being wrong for it. It was a sister, brought up with their mother’s beliefs and with a more violent temperament. She’d gone to her sister’s place meaning to convince her to break things off with Olivia and had ended up losing her temper when Emily wouldn’t budge. It hadn’t been a hard case in terms of time or effort, but it was one of the more upsetting ones Chloe had been involved in solving. Emily had only been 19 when she was killed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps that’s why when Lucifer asked her back to his penthouse for a drink after the case, she obliged. She needed the company and, to use her partner’s parlance, desired the alcohol. He didn’t let her drink beer, because of course he didn't, but insisted on opening one of his ancient, expensive wines. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere along the line, several glasses in, she asked about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really believe what you said earlier?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That thing, about, uh... homosexuality being a sin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer shot her look and took a sip of his wine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, no more than any extramarital sex, of course.</span>
  <em>
    <span> For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Bloody hell, Paul really was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>miserable </span>
  </em>
  <span>fellow, wasn’t he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe looked him over. He didn’t seem the least bit affected, but she’d been known to overlook it before. And, well… Lucifer quoting the Bible didn’t seem like a great sign, whatever his tone of voice might indicate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come over tomorrow.” Lucifer looked up at her. “I’ve promised Trixie to play boardgames with her and Maze all Saturday. You should join us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer smirked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I suppose it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>time the urchin gets her chance at revenge in Monopoly."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe stifled a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know you're supposed to let the kid win, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Whatever for? She'll never learn that way!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Learn what, how to beat you at Carcassonne?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It might just have been the wine, but for a moment Lucifer looked honestly offended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Detective, I'd never played that game before! You can't have a fair game when you're still learning the rules, now can you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe shook her head at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, 11 o'clock tomorrow?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After it all comes tumbling down, it’s the last thing on her mind for a very long time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t been a metaphor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t been a delusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer wasn’t some kid who’d been thrown out by a homophobic, abusive father while his step-mother and siblings stood by and watched it happen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer was the actual, literal devil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A fallen angel, a force of evil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>...except, he wasn’t evil, was he? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a while before she understood that, but she did now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe her first assessment hadn’t been as far from the truth as she had believed, but… what did that say about God? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d never been particularly religious, had considered herself more or less an atheist, but that didn’t mean the thought of God, whom she now knew to actually, literally exist, as a deeply fallible being wasn’t</span>
  <em>
    <span> absolutely bonkers. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The next time they talk about it, Lucifer was making dinner for Chloe and Trixie. Maze was out of town on a bounty, Trixie was playing in her room and Chloe had the news running. After a depressing political segment, a segment on yesterday’s Pride Parade ran. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, I should really go next year,” Lucifer said from the kitchen counter. “Pride </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>my original sin, after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe looked at him. His pose was casual, but his expression a bit more serious than his words would have suggested. She still hadn’t completely acclimated to knowing that his strange comments were serious, but she was getting there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you been before?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, several times, but it’s been a few years.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer disappeared further into the kitchen for a moment, but then walked over towards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really make a habit of reattending the same parties, detective. It becomes dreadfully dull if you celebrate the same thing every year.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not just a party, Lucifer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer rolled his eyes as he leaned his arms on the couch back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I am aware of the human squabbles over gender and sexuality, detective. I’ve been blamed for the whole thing for millenia, remember? </span>
  <em>
    <span>My son’s not gay, it’s the devil luring him!</span>
  </em>
  <span> As if I’d make anyone do anything they didn’t want to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe looked consideringly at him for a long moment, but he didn’t say anything more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that why you…” Chloe stopped herself before she could get to the meat of her question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind, it’s none of my</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, I insist, detective.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe sighed. He probably wouldn’t let this go if she didn’t just ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that why I’ve seen you with far more women than men?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer frowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, no. I only sleep with fewer men because there are more women who desire me than men who desire me. It’s a simple matter of statistics, detective.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Chloe said, her logical brain turning on at the most inappropriate of times. “But that still doesn’t add up. I’ve seen you with countless women, but I can count the amount of times I’ve actually seen you with a man on my hands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer made a perturbed expression and spluttered a bit. Perhaps… well, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>she shouldn’t have asked! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she hurried to say. “Like I said, it’s none of my</span>
  <span>—</span>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nevermind that,” Lucifer interrupted and sat down next to her. “No, I need to clear the record here, detective. You may not see me with men very often, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>sleep with them pretty regularly. I’m just… in the habit of being more quiet about it, I suppose.” Lucifer shook his head a bit and took a drink of the flask he always kept in his inner pocket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That… actually made sense. Though Lucifer being quiet about anything seemed patently ridiculous, she supposed he wasn’t quiet about desiring men, as he’d put it, merely quiet about his actual… encounters with men. If he’d been to Earth several times throughout the centuries? If he’d picked up how to flirt with men far back in the past? It made a certain sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe scootched a bit closer to Lucifer, cuddling up to his side. ‘</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"When we talked about it, before… </span>
  <em>
    <span>before</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She still hadn’t found a good way to describe all that had happened. “You said it was a sin and quoted Paul the Apostle, but Paul was just some guy, right? So that’s… it’s not really what </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <span>thinks, is it? I mean, you called it a </span>
  <em>
    <span>human squabble</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer looked down his nose at her with a rueful smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"When I quoted Paul, it was because you are a Christian, detective. It matters less what Leviticus says if you're covered by the New Covenant."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wouldn't say I'm a Christian, exactly, I was more or less an atheist before…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before that stopped making any sense as a descriptor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, more Christian than Jewish or Muslim, yes? I have seen you celebrate my dear half-brother on more than one occasion."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chloe supposed she couldn't argue with that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But does that mean God </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a homophobe?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucifer chuckled humorlessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's a prude, more than anything else. But yes, I suppose he does think everyone else should emulate the first relationship ever; the one he had with my mother."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>been telling you he’s a bastard for years, Chloe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. She supposed he had. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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